Greg Schwem can’t stop laughing about his kids, and what it’s like to be a parent. As a 30-year stand-up The laptop in that home school pod you eagerly set up last spring continues to hog the bandwidth...
The ''Clean Your Room Rap''
The 2009 video that started it all. (Yes, Justin Bieber was pure then)
Funny Dad Words
The Lunch my High School Graduate Never Got to Eat
There was never a chance for either of us to make that final lunch, the last chapter in that...
Hey Disney Mom, I don’t have Coronavirus
Yes, we should all take precautions, as, currently, that is the only way to avoid the virus...
Billie Eilish, I Never Knew My Dad’s Favorite Musicians...
Eilish, the 17-year-old musical phenom, recently blew up social media when she revealed, while...
Enter, Trick or Treaters, Through My Technological Fortress
October 31 used to be one of my favorite calendar days. I neglect to call Halloween a “holiday”...
Parenting Advice for the World’s Oldest Mom
Don’t get me wrong, having a baby is a joyous occasion. But do new parents who are well into...
Forget Lemonade…Kids, Sell These During Summer
I’m not sure what the laws are in Illinois, my place of residence, but I’m afraid to start...
Sure, I’ll alter video…if it makes my kids look...
During her fifth-grade piano recital, I could have zoomed in on her fingers as they lumbered over...
Moms and Dads, Get Ready to Play ‘College Admissions...
This game is only for those unwilling to bribe university officials or coaches with large sums of...
If Family Conversations Sounded Like Congressional Hearings
I spent the better part of Feb. 27 listening to partisan backstabbing, snide interruptions and...
Jesus and Penniless Dads Need Their Own Emojis
I do see myself using the newly approved skunk, garlic and onion emojis, as all three will come in...
Marie Kondo, do my kids still bring me “joy?”
Only subzero temperatures and mountains of snow outside my garage could prompt me to shuffle...
Finally, this Disney Dad Gets His Much-Needed Beer
Armed with a backpack full of sunscreen, snacks and bottled water, I dutifully squired my family to...
Alex Trebek, My Family is Gunning for Your Job
I calmly explained the reasons I wanted Alex Trebek's job: namely my love of trivia and my desire...
After Blasting Her Kids’ Phones to Bits, No Regrets from a...
“I tried conventional methods to deal with their phone abuse, to no avail,” she said. “They...
Family, Funds and Flu: An (almost) Perfect Vacation
How sick are you willing to get for $3,500?
Put Down Your Phone and Study…Wait, Never Mind
My daughter sat on the family room couch, her ever-present phone alternating between her hand and a...
Mom’s Gone Viral! What’s a Kid to do?
I truly do feel for the girl who watched her mom exhibit all the tact and manners of a zoo animal...
Listen Kids, Tide Pods and Condoms are NOT to be Tasted
Teenagers of the world, I have held my unpierced tongue long enough. Your desire to entertain...
Parents, Tell Your Kids to Achieve their Dreams by Asking
A simple question can be all it takes for your kids to become rock stars
Now Is Not A Good Time to Name Your Daughter ‘Alexa”
Blame Amazon for ruining such a nice name
Step Up to the Toys R Us Wine Bar…and save the company!
Moms agree, only a fine cabernet can save the struggling retailer now
Where the $%^& is the “Mom, Dad, I Lost My...
C'mon Apple, it's time you help parents whose kids constantly lose their phones!
My Kids Don’t Want a Million Bucks from Coca-Cola
My children gave a big yawn to the beverage giant's offer of a million dollar prize
Hey Republicans, College Students LOVE Learning
A politician's views on higher education differ markedly from my daughter's views
Funny Dad Vids
An Encounter with a Gymboree Supermom
What happens when a stand up comedian encounters a Gymboree "supermom?"
Dogs Should Be Loved, Not Squatted
Nobody, including my children, should be THIS bored
What Everybody Really Thinks of Parenting “Experts”
One of my favorite clips from The Onion, one of my favorite websites
Touring Washington DC With Your Kids
A trip to our nation's capital can be a fun family event, if the sights are explained correctly
Stay Away From Snapchat
Greg Schwem's stand-up comedy explains why parents should keep their phones out of their kids' hands
How To Shop For Your Kids on a Business Trip
Greg Schwem goes shopping in New Orleans. (WARNING: Some offensive material but nothing your kids...
Please Mick Jagger, No More Kids!
Greg pleads with the 73-year old rock star to turn off the spigot.